my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
