The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
