Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
did you just send me my own nude
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
