I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
