She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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