who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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