Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
