I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
