I cannot find my penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
