nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
