no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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