My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
