It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
