yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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