What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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