my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
