life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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