dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
