Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
