Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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