do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
