omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
