google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
