i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
