you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
