i dont even know how to be here
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
