its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
