I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
