Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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