I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
