I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
