When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
