i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
