I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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