Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
