Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
