He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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