Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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