i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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