Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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