Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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