Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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