It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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