We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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