Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
