Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize