Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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