I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
