the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
