He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
