I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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