I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
