Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do herpes really smell.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
