I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
