just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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