I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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