Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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