Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
