if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
