What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
