I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
