I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
