what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
