I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
