the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
