I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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