He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
