I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
