I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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